dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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