i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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