What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
