So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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