So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can you bring me the toilet please
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
