He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
