So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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