I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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