I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
