You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
