You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
