Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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