I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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