my vag is so smooth its legendary
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
