Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
