oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
