any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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