Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
