We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
