Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
