I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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