I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
