i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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