Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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