wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
