This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
