physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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