after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
