I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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