how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
