if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
