Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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