I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
