i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
