Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
