How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
