That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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