Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I could fuck to npr.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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