Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
