i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
