I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
