So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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