I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
