we have pet lesbian snakes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
