all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
