I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm passing your future prison.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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