And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
