that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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