don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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