he thought i was a dude.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
