i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
