Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
