I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
