What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
