Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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