I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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