East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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