My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize