i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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