are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
