I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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