It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
