Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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