i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
