Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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