Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
