Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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