my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Boobs speak an international language.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
