You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize