my vag is so smooth its legendary
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
