i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize