She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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