i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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