You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had to cum in my sink.
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