Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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