LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
