Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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