I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
