Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I could fuck to npr.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
