Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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