You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He felt like a one man threesome
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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